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I've been toying around with a couple of Urban Fantasy ideas for a while. One of them has a character who's a marine who received a medical discharge after he died in the line of duty and was resuscitated. These days, he makes his living writing a series of fantasy romance novels called the Unicorn Riders of (Some exaggerated cliché of a fantasy world name). The books are about female paladins who are bonded to men who can transform into unicorns (or unicorns who can transform into men, I'm not real clear on that point). Of course, the gods they serve send them on quests that need the skill of the paladin and the power of the unicorn to complete, and the paladin and the man/unicorn invariably fall in love, but they can't consummate the relationship, because the unicorn can only be bound to a woman who's pure, and if the bond is broken, she's no longer a paladin, and he's turned into an ordinary horse and his mind is destroyed in the process. So the books are, of course, filled with lots of lusting after each other, sneaking peeks of each other bathing in lakes and rivers, vivid fantasies which are sometimes spoken aloud to the other party, and maybe even a bit of self-satisfaction.

In short, they're abstinence porn.

Yes. I know it sounds horrid. That's the POINT. It's supposed to sound horrid. It's supposed to sound like bad Mary Sue fantasy.

It's bad. It's wrong.

And I'm sorely tempted to actually write one of the blood things.

God help me, I've lost my tiny little mind.